I spent some time at the cemetery this afternoon. My brother is in the mausoleum there.
Honestly, I don't go as often as I should. I think it's hard to see that name up there on the plaque. It seems so real and final when I see it.
I was down on my knees pondering over the memories that we shared when I heard a rustling noise toward the back of the building. I wasn't nervous because I feel fairly safe in there. It was a very distinct noise. It took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on and I realized that there was a little bird trapped inside. After about 15 minutes, I managed to prop open the front doors and the little bird was able to fly out. It became a sense of accomplishment to me. For a moment, I was a hero to something so small and innocent.
I think it's a part of God's plan to be put here on earth to take care of each other. All things - big and small. I see myself as a giving individual. Someone who, at times, gives so much of themselves that they lose sight of their own well-being. Too self-sacrificing is a fit description. I don't give to get back. I give to because I feel like it's the "right" thing to do and I feel confident that those gifts do not go unnoticed.
I have learned a lot in the last few months. I have learned that life is short. I have learned that you should never compromise what you believe in in order to please everyone else but your own spirit. I have learned that pain is temporary. I have learned that forgiveness is not for the other person; it's for yourself. I have learned that weeping only lasts for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning. I have learned that it is easier to smile than to frown. And, I have learned that you will never have all of the answers to the things that you question.
So, I will leave you with this. It's one of the strongest prayers that anyone has ever written.