I felt compelled to write today; perhaps all credit is due to the uncertain turmoil in my life right now. Dealing with two sets of aging parents ( and in-laws, so to speak) in addition to a brother battling a recurring cancer for the THIRD TIME does not qualify as a "joy ride" in my book. I am on the high end of positive when I say that I know that I am not the only person in the world that is dealing with these issues, but is sure feels like it sometimes. When I am in the mist of a pity party for myself, I keep remembering that there are many folks that are in much worse shape than me....(Today, I REALLY don't care about other folks, if you want me to be honest.) Yep, that's right. I feel cheap shotted and I found myself "shaking my fist" at God yesterday as a result, of what I considered, me patiently waiting for Him to step up to the plate for me. It donned on me this morning as I drove into work that He won't step up until I decided to give things over willingly and let Him do the work without me interfering. Today will be day #1 in my attempt to step back and allow the Great Physician do his thing. I am a "fixer" and a "do-er" so this is a great test for me and one that will NOT be easy!!
I am not a very open person, spiritually and most of the people that I come in contact with don't see the subtle, humble side to me. I am usually more over the top, life of the party, and jokey and free spirited. I am not judging whether that is the right or wrong way as a believer, but it is just how I am. I try my best to pour my energy (what little bit is left at the end of the day) into having a quiet, yet strong relationship with my faith rather than push it over on folks that are not open to hearing it. For now, it is what matters to me that I concentrate on the strongest.
For now, I am thankful for my family and our time that we have together in this life here on earth, a loving man that loves me until the end of time and he never changes. The stability and simple presence at the end of the day drives me to press forward. I don't always appreciate that as I should because the list of other things consume so much of my time right now. Next weekend, we will rejuvenate ourselves on a small trip to a quiet area on the beach. That is our tranquil spot that allows us to clear our minds and hearts and that is important to us. Life is what you make it to be, not what you hope someone else will make for you.
I'll close by looking at a sticky note that I have posted above my desk as a constant reminder of what grace entails. "I am your salvation; trust in Me and do not be afraid. I am your strength and your song." Isaiah 12:2